Five Minute Friday: Song

Five Minute Friday with Lisa-Jo Baker and hundreds of others. We write for five minutes. All on the same prompt. No extreme editing. No worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

This week’s prompt: Song

I check my phone.

It's 2:03am.

I go to my sweet squisher. The fever has broken. Thank you, Jesus! I check on the others. Putting covers back in place. Being sure dreams are only happy.

I check my phone.

It's 2:19am.

I shouldn't but I do anyway.

Instagram. Facebook.

Encouragement. Reinforcement.

That is what I receive from friends and family. Whispers that I can do this dream. This dream God has for me. I don't have to be the best in the world, just my best for him. I don't have to have it all figured out. Simply trust his guidance.

Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher. Raise 'em 'til your arms tired let 'em know you here. That you struggling, survivin', that you gon' persevere.

And don't apologize for all the tears you've cried. You've been way too strong now for all your life. I'm gonna get there soon, You're gonna be there too. Cryin' in your room, prayin' Lord come through. We're gonna get there soon

If you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone carry on. May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on.

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us.

And some days I can't even trust myself. It's killing me to see you this way. 'Cause though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore. Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right. Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear. 'Cause though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.

So I'll be bold as well as strong. And use my head alongside my heart. So tame my flesh and fix my eyes. That tethered mind free from the lies.

But with what we have, I promise you that, we're marching on.

But don't you know who you are? What's been done for you? Yeah don't you know who you are? You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade.

These words jump out from my "you got this" playlist. These songs pump me up when I can't go on. These songs remind me it's not me but God. I got this because he gave it.

--I got this because he gave it. --

Dream on, squishers. Dream on, me.

SwaddleDesigns Review

I was trilled to review several products from SwaddleDesigns. You can read about my experience over at Coffee with the Mrs.

Daring to Dream

What is my dream?

Reading You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream has had me discouraged.

I don’t have a dream.

When I was little I wanted to be a teacher and a mom. My secret dream was to be a dance teacher. I was a preKindergarten teacher almost eight years. I taught ballet for 5 years. I have been a mom for seven years (and counting!). I even teach ballet to my children. I feel like my dreams have been met and exceeded.

So what now?

This summer it will be six years ago I had this inkling of a dream. I wanted to homeschool my children. I had just stopped teaching and was excited to only have one student. I had just met a new friend/neighbor. She too wanted to homeschool but needed a lot of encouragement. I had this thought that if we did this together we could make it, we could live our dream of teaching our children. That dream rapidly grew into a group of moms doing this home education thing together. Having a co-op for preschoolers and their families. You see, most co-ops have a minimum age limit of first grade. Yet we were diligently schooling our young squishers. We were desperate for that community with other young families.

The past four years we have been cultivating this group. There is still growing to be had. There are still kinks to smooth. We still have dreams of helping others start similar groups. Because there are other families who are serious about homeschooling before elementary grades start. And they need community with other families.

I know this dream isn’t over but it has been met and now exceeded.

So what now?

Last night God whispered a long ago dream.

A dream Brad and I had together.

Before we were yet married.

A dream of refuge, safety, comfort and love.

I have an excitement to read You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream that I did not have, even yesterday afternoon.

This is our dream together, Brad and mine.

But what about me? Do I have a dream of my own?

Yesterday and today I attended (in)RL alongside 6,300 other women across the world.

I was (in)couraged big time. I was refreshed as I always am after spending time with friends. I was reminded of truth.

Last night Crystal Paine said the words my heart has never spoken out loud, “I need to be the friend to others that I (have) wanted myself.”

Today Sarah Markley discussed that hard question of repeating history if you had the opportunity. If she was given the chance would she make a different choice. Her answer: yes and no.

Being broken allows us to be reshaped. I think it is no coincidence that the bible references potters and clay over 30 times. The lump of clay on a potters wheel must be prepared before it can start to be shaped into a beautiful creation. Once the shaping starts the clay can have a mind of it’s own. As soon as the potter feels and sees that clay going all wonky the clay is smooshed and broken back down to a simple lump only to begin reshaping once more.

I was smooshed.

I was broken.

I was depressed.

But God did not leave me. He was right there holding me. Holding Brad. Holding my sweet babes. He brought us out of that depressed lump of clay. And he is sculpting me. He sees me as beautiful. He sees my whole life and all the beauty he has created me for, in this life.

Who better to counsel a woman through depression than one who has lived through the dark night of her own soul?

Sarah’s words struck my heart.

I had just finished hearing Lisa Leonard’s story. Her InstaGram feed brings a smile to my face all week and her creativity inspires me to continue creating. But her words today encouraged me to continue sharing my story and to hold my head high.

I walked back to our table with my head held high and my chin quivering. It was one of the bravest and scariest things I had ever done. But I learned something about myself I hadn’t known when we left the house just a few minutes earlier. I wasn’t powerless. David was awesome–just the way he was, and I didn’t have to sit by and let shame swallow me up. I could stand up, I could be brave. And I thought maybe, just maybe I could change the world, one little conversation at a time.

I have depression in my life. But my depression does not identify me. This part of my life happened. I will not be ashamed for my experiences. I will use them to help others. Maybe I too can change the world one conversation at a time.

Do I have a dream of my own?

Yes.

Is it intertwined with my other dreams?

Yes.

Isn’t that how God works? Intertwining all of His creation together?

My dream is more than I can explain.

It is bigger than me.

It is helping others.

It is creativity.

It is love.

All those things and more placed in my heart by my God.

As I sit here watching the clock creep closer to the moment when one of my little squishers will start stirring for the day I see God’s dream for me begin to make sense. I know I only see a small part. I know it will grow. I know it will be hard. I know it will be scary. I know it will be worth following.

Do you have a dream? Don’t keep it to yourself. Share it. Once it is shared it becomes real. Once it is real it can become all God has intended for you and your dream.